Friday, January 1, 2010

Drunken Resolutions and Other Ambiguities







I wrote these resolutions last night, a bit (a lot) tipsy and very tired. My sister-in-law and my daughter did the same, thought theirs looked very different (and my daughter was not at all tipsy). My daughter's final resolution: "Spend more money or put it in the bank." My sister-in-law's final resolution: "Get knocked up."

In the event you don't have super eyeballs, I'll list my resolutions for you here:

1. Paint bedrooms
I know this seems like more of a "To Do List" item, but for me, it's a resolution--if you saw the colors of the bedrooms now, you'd wonder how we could possibly be so lazy to have let them remain as they are

2. Bring in some sort of income
I'm due for a garage sale

3. Learn how to dance like those people on Dancing with the Stars
Definitely a drunk addition

4. Stop being so cheap

5. Spend less money
Contradiction is my prerogative as a woman.

6. Stop Nagging!
You might have noticed this one was not in my handwriting--written not long after I kindly pointed out to my husband that he turned my arroz con pollo into risotto by adding too much broth

7. Be more realistic...cut back on nagging

8. Finish unpacking
Another one of those "To Do" items that must go on a resolutions list in order to get accomplished

9. Write, edit, & query at least 4 books

10. Be more realistic

11. Learn how to make the world's best chili and/or world's best cheesecake

12. Make a lot of noise
I enjoy resolutions with ambiguity (note: this statement is also ambiguous). So very Oprah's Book club of me.

The line in the red linked to number eleven reads, "Unofficial Almost Resolution: Learn how best to bribe agents and snag one." Contrary to popular opinion around here, it does not read, "...shag one."

On another note, tomorrow my oldest daughter turns thirteen. This time thirteen years ago, I'd already been in labor for nearly four days. I had no idea it was 1997; I barely remembered we'd just had Christmas. And I'm fairly certain the only words I wasted breath on were "Kill," "Me," and "Now." Of course, her birth made every one of those tortured moments worth it, and I would go through it again ten times over (note: I was much more demanding about epidurals and c-sections and drugs-give-me-drugs-or-I'll-effing-kill-you the second time around...nine years later....) But I am very grateful for my daughter, the kind of kid that other parents think I've sold my soul for. She's an angel, truly, quite deserving of her wings.

But

Thirteen...thirteen...OFH...thirteen....

Feel free to send your condolences.

And one more thing...not sure if I'll have a chance to participate myself, though I intend to [Time, you thieving scoundrel!]...but in honor of tomorrow's No Kiss Blogfest hosted by Frankie Mallis of Frankie Writes, and in hangover-like celebration of the New Year, thought I'd post my first kiss of 2010.




Best wishes for a memorable, most prosperous 2009...err...2010....

32 comments:

  1. Here, here, to a great 2010! (And sNagging an agent wouldn't hurt either.)

    One year, all four of my kids were teenagers. So, here's my cheer for you: Rah, rah, you can do it!

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  2. I didn't bother to write down my resolutions. I have specific ones, but overall I want to become a better reader, writer, and human being.

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  3. Thank you, Sweets! Same to you! And thank you as well for the encouragement. I'm lucky that my daughter is very sensible and thoughtful, but for some reason, I still feel like wearing a black arm band. It's so hard to see her getting older (nearly as hard as it is to get old myself.) Happy new year, Elle!

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  4. Medeia, that's a wonderful resolution I think we would all do well to achieve. Happy new year to you, m'dear.

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  5. My resolution matches Medeia's, but I'd do well to write it down! I might do that for the next blog.

    Funny post, sweet picture.

    I love your profile write-up. :D

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  6. What a wonderful (and really funny) list! I'm with you on the nagging, not being so cheap, and getting the agent (or bribing one). I think the hardest one will be the (no nagging) I'm not sure I can do it. It's simply too hard not to!

    Hope you have a great New Year!!!

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  7. Aw-shucks, what a gorgeous pic!

    Love the resolutions. Missed the one that said, world domination over the blogesphere though?

    All the best to you and your family :)

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  8. "Contradiction is my prerogative as a woman..."

    *snarf* *snort*

    Um... I don't know what you're talking about, good lady. Surely you jest! The fairer sex is a bastion of consistency and emotional stability.

    And in an unrelated note, I've given up sarcasm for the new year.***

    By the way, did you say four books? I'm resolving to write and query one, and you're going to shoot for four? Whoa. Seriously, Ms. Overachiever, way to make the rest of us feel inadequate. Sheesh!

    Well, if anyone can do it, you can, Carol. Here's to achieving our writing goals this year. *clink*

    ***Happy birthday to your daughter! (I never said the asterisks were going to be related to the sentence after which they appeared, did I?)

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  9. Hahaha I love these resolutions, learn to dance like the people on dancing with the stars--awesome! Happy Birthday to your daughter, you and your husband are beautiful together!!! Cant wait to see your No Kiss tomorrow!

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  10. AW! I love your first 2010 kiss pic :-) Your husband seems so awesome! Dude I so thought "snag" was "shag" at first!! But I figured it out before reading the note about it, haha.

    Happy birthday to your daughter!!

    I didn't list my personal resolutions on the blog (bc the list is so long ppl's eyes would have bled reading it after all my writing goals...) but I think I'm with your sis-in-law with her goal too :-) (Though after reading about your 13 days of labor--for the second time I do believe--I'm not so sure anymore...)

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  11. HA! I love your resolutions! Got to love how the new year brings so much promise!! Good luck and happy new year!

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  12. Oh and by the by... I think you should share the current wall colors :-)

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  13. I'm curious about the wall colours too :)

    You're brave setting those resolutions out there for the world to see - I'm sure you'll have no problems achieving them all!!

    Enjoy the year :)

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  14. Yeah, I thought it said shag too. Did a double take on that one. Wow, four books to write and query...I feel so inadequate now;)

    I feel ya about the new teenager to your household. My oldest is going to turn 12 in a few months, but the hormones have already started kicking in.

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  15. Corra, thank you...aren't we cute? Hehe. Not so much, especially with my braces and all. Kisses hurt! Looking forward to seeing your resolutions.

    Kimberley, thank you for the lovely words! So kind. And I agree...nagging is definitely a bad habit, worse than smoking, I think. And not nearly as effective. And yet, I persist on doing it as if it might make a difference. Happy new year to you as well!

    Quill, as always, you are truly kind and generous. And hilarious. I fear blogosphere domination is not in my future (unless my 8-ball is totally inaccurate), but I shall do my best. I wish you the very best this coming new year as well. Although, you're a little further into it than most already. I almost feel like talking to you is foreseeing the future since you experience time before the rest of us. Gads, how I wish I could go to New Zealand.

    Simon, my dear, if you ever give up sarcasm, I'll have to rip your arms off and beat you with the bloody stubs. By the way, the four books include the 2 from last year that I'm currently editing. I'm totally cheating. But remember, I write YA so I can move a little faster than you. And I'm obsessive, remember? Still, I realize I have set completely unrealistic goals for myself, but my weirdness has no bounds. But my guess is your one book will win far more awards than my next four. Alas, I'm okay with it as long as you keep up the sarcasm on my blog.

    Frankie, you are too sweet. How I adore you! I will try try try to get a scene written up tonight (Hubby is forcing me to go watch a movie), but if all else fails, I'll post a scene I love that isn't my own. It's such a fantastic idea. The kiss that almost was can be sometimes more memorable than the most passionate of kisses.

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  16. Sara, Thank you on al counts. And don't listen to my horro stories. That was 13 years ago, and I was just a kid, really. I didn't know it could have been a better experience. You have your babies--you'll be the best mom--and don't you worry one bit. Epidurals are amazing things ;) And I shall do my best to get the wall colors up for you soon! I can't even describe them. Would take too long.

    Courtney, Thank you! I hope you have a wonderful 2010!! I'm looking forward to seeing your series progress.

    Jemi, haha! Brave indeed! I'm such a nut most of the time. Thank goodness my husband appreciates it. I suppose that's why I've stuck with him since I was 15. Everyone else thinks I'm a fruitcake. I hope you have a 2010 filled with wonders and pleasant surprises.

    Melissa, haha! You should have seen my husband. He shouted out, "Carol? WTH?" And good luck with the 12 year old. Hormones can make the sweetest, most poised child into a volatile creature. But hopefully, it will not be Twilight level angst you'll have to deal with in the next year! Happy new year to you and yours.

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  17. I have a general idea what i wish to put in my list of Resolutions.. but they are always soon forgotten and broken..;P but i think, yours is a good one!! (tipsy or not!)

    ~Silver
    Reflections

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  18. Ah, I too was wondering about the number of books. Makes sense now.

    Love the list. :)

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  19. Listen, if it comes to shagging, it comes to shagging.

    JK =)

    Also: 4 DAYS???? Are you kidding me?
    And what color are you going to paint the rooms?

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  20. Silver, thank you very much! I have real resolutions of course, although they are more along the line of goals I always have.

    misadventures...Sara, thank you. I'm a nutter. I know. But thank you.

    Anne, hahahaha! I know it feels that way sometimes. The hair ripping "what does it take?!!" And actually, it was 5 days in all, but who's counting...little stinker just didn't want to leave me...very long story, I suppose. Not sure what color I'll paint the rooms. Probably something totally boring like beige since we don't plan on being in this house too long. But I would love to do something like a sparkly metallic silver for one room, and maybe a bold red for another room, and perhaps a shimmery blue for another. Wouldn't it be cool to have walls that glow when you touch them? Or walls that would hold your hand's imprint for a moment before disappearing?

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  21. I am fantastic with teenagers! And also, happy birthday to your daughter!!!! Young children always make me scratch my head and then run away crying, but I always joke with my friends that they'll raise their kids until they hit 13, and then they'll ship them off to me for the teen years that they've already admitted they don't want to deal with, lol. I'll then return them at 18 as perfect specimens of adulthood. Yep ;)

    Your resolutions list is way cute. I never wrote mine out, but now that I see how fun coloring in a piece of paper would be (mine would admittedly be mostly doodles, and like... no actual resolutions) I sort of want to do it, too...

    I must be the only person who actually DID read "snag" as "snag" the first time around. Didn't get the "shag" thing until I read your note about it. Haha.

    Lol, I had no new year's kiss since I have no boyfriend. I kissed one of my bffs on the cheek instead, though I unfortunately do not have photographic evidence. Your picture is SO romantic and perfectly posed, too. :)

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  22. Oh my but I think you will get a lot of agent attention with the #11 addendum controversy. Yes, indeed. I am so glad you visited my blog and led me here. You are hilarious. I am going to read your past posts and follow. Great to meet you!

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  23. Iapetus999, will definitely check out your recipe. Thank you for sharing me, although, I think you may have to change the recipe name now.

    Alexandra, I would be happy to let my new teenager hang out with you. I think she'd adore you. And I think you must be the only person around that doesn't have a dirty mind. Can't tell you how many people thought that said "shag." Yeesh...what do people think of me??? By the way, any kiss on new year's is a kiss. I don't think luck differentiates.

    Tricia, haha! We'll have to see. Not sure that's really the kind of attention I want! Then again, any attention from an agent might just do...and thank you for the kind comments. You're so sweet. I look forward to your blog posts as well. It's pleasure to meet you.

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  24. LOVE the list and the cute photo!!! Best of luck in the new year!

    And, for the record, I too want to see these room colors! My hubby and I are in the process of painting ourselves and I feel your pain! Any marriage that survives painting multiple rooms in a house deserves a huge accolade!!!

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  25. Kristi, thank you! And good luck with the painting. I have no idea when we'll get around to actually painting ourselves. But intention is worth it's weight in gold...or am I mixing proverbs here?

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  26. I like your resolutions list. Happy New Year!

    Blessings,
    Carla
    http://writingtodistraction.blogspot.com

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  27. Thank you Carla! Although, to be honest, it's not my REAL resolutions list. Truth is, I don't really have one. I just have a long running stream of goals that I tweak and work on all the time. But it was fun to make a list ;)

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  28. Very funny post! I've resolved to not make any resolutions this year.

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  29. Karen, excellent idea! I think goals are much more worthwhile and often much more attainable ;)

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  30. I just love that you originally put 2009! I was dating something on January 1st, and told myself specifically, 'I must remember to date this 2010, not 2009' ...and then I immediately dated it 2009, not 2010.

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  31. Beth, haha! Yes, I get that! I'm fairly certain it will be July before I remember to date everything by the correct year. It's so odd because I don't mind change, and yet, I can be really slow to adapt sometimes.

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