All visitors who came to our house last week were given this dress code.
Indeed, last week was a very unpleasant week. If you noticed my absence, well, first of all, thank you...now you have an explanation (that being: my head was otherwise occupied with the toilet). I took pictures to document the horror, but this blog is only PG-13, so no photos for you. Suffice it to say we have all lost weight.
On the bright side, I am now fully caught up on The Real World, which I hadn't watched since 1996. And guess what I learned? "Shiznit" is not piglatin. It's actually very versatile (i.e. useful) urban slang. Generally, it is used interjectionally to express emotional excitement or satisfaction, as in, "Shiznit! Off da chain, yo!" Or it can be used as an adjective as in "Holla! That shawty's the shiznit!" (transl. Greetings! That fine looking woman is the best!) Oddly enough, shiznit can also be used to mean the exact opposite, as in excrement. Finally, it can be used to express dissatisfaction, as in, "Oh shiznit!" I think it is only a matter of time before we see shiznit used as an adverb, as in "Shiznit awesome, yo!" But that could just be hopeful thinking*.
In other news, I'm working on a contest since I have now hit that big milestone of 100+ followers (Ya ya, take a look!) In fact, it's going to be a joint venture with none other than the brilliant Simon Larter who, in a cosmic twist of fate, has also reached 100+ followers. Simon and I have recently discovered that we, in fact, share many similarities, not the least of which is our penchant for dancing starkers on a full moon (just kidding--Simon prefers to wear clothes). But more on that to come. Maybe tomorrow. If I can get my shiznit together.
But you know who else is practically a triplet with Simon and me? Sara McClung, hell'z yeah! Cuz she also reached 100+ followers at the same time (feel free to ask her about her dancing habits). Now, in honor of this righteous feat, Sara is having her own super shiznit contest...(drumroll please....): The Sara Passed 100 Followers Contest. Now, didn't that drumroll get you excited? As well you should be, because it's a pretty kicking...err shiznit contest where you can win some bloody shiznit books (Note: "bloody" is another one of those uber versatile words). So go go go go and follow, enter, win (or don't win...I'd rather you save that little treat for me).
There. Aside from some blog awards, which I will get to on another date, I believe I'm caught up on the news. Oh wait. No, I'm not. Um, personal writer news...AETERNUS (something like draft 512, I think) is finished and in the hands of CPs. Shortly, it may also be in the hands of beta readers. I'm severely limiting the number of beta readers, at least for now, because I like my heart, and I'd rather it didn't explode. Still, I'm not sure how to go about this beta process. How do you guys handle beta readers? Hard copies or electronic? Same format used for agents? Wrap in a bow? Draw illustrations? Issue them a gag order? Any special advice? I'm a little wigged out at the thought of handing my baby over to other peeps, even shiznit ones...so please advise.
But now that AETERNUS is, for all intents and purposes, done (until CPs get back to me and show me what a nightmare piece of shiznit AETERNUS is), I now have query on the brain (I also have another manuscript sitting pretty waiting for editing, but more on that later). Does this mean I'll be querying any time soon? Noooooooooo. Even if I had the A+ go-ahead from CPs and beta readers and a stellar query letter and partials ready to go, I would not be querying right now. And I would strongly advise you to hold out awhile as well--now is not the time. I mean, you can query now, but you'd be foolish to do so as the slush pile is about the size of Snoop Dogg's mansion right now. Because for soooooome reason, everyone is raring to find an agent in January. If you don't believe me, just check out Nathan Bransford's shiznit article Query Deluge. If that doesn't teach you to wait until February (or possibly May), then by all means, go ahead and compete with the January madness--I'd rather not compete with you anyway.
Okay. Now I'm done. Aren't you glad I didn't vlog this? Well...I am.
*I realize only very uncool people like me actually use "awesome." But "shiznit awesome" has a rather shiznit ring to it.