So, a while ago I was tagged by the adorable Kimberly Franklin to um, do this.
If you can please peel your eyeballs away from the picture and take note of the title of the picture, you will understand that 1. this is not an X-rated post; 2. this actually almost sorta has something to do with writing; and 3. I will shamelessly entice you with alluring titles and pictures to get you to stop by.
And, oh yeah, I’m supposed to build my own Book Boyfriend. Here are the rules:
From the Gutter Girls: We all have our favourite book boyfriends and now you have the chance to create one just for yourself and your fantasies! How do you play? Fill out the quiz bellow, post a picture of sexy man and tag five (5) other book addicts to do the same. Don't forget to pop to their blogs as let them know they have been tagged! Once tagged... you have do do the same, grab the button, answer the questions, and keep it rolling! But don't forget the picture of the sexy man! It doesn't have to match your fantasy man, just a little eye candy for the rest of us... heheheee!
Now, contrary to what my header says, I actually live in a very realistic world and base a lot of my fictional characters on real people I have encountered in my life. So, I thought it would only be fitting to base my book boyfriend on all my ex-boyfriends. But please do not judge me for my past indiscretions. It’s taken me a long time to find the strength to post on my blog what is essentially a photographic journey through my heartbreak.
1. Hair color and style
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but these two pictures were actually all part of one picture. I cut them in half after Hugh broke up with me for working too much. Then I photoshopped my half to try and forget the hurt.
He does have such nice hair, and such a remarkable sense of style. How I do miss him. I have no idea how to dress myself.
2. Eye color and facial features
Okay, so it’s really difficult to see his eyes (green and gray with a hint of blue) in this sepia toned photo, but it’s the closest shot I had of Gerry. Although, truth be told, I should’ve burned this one. He actually sent me this one after I broke up with him because he refused to quit smoking. Go figure. That’s Gerry for you. So snarly sometimes.
Snarly and really antagonistic, too. He sent this photo of me in the same envelope. I didn’t even know he had it, the wanker.
3. Height and body type
Okay, so clearly I’m still a little obsessed with Gerry.
In this photo, I had just shooed Gerry out of the house so I could make some cupcakes for his birthday. But, here’s the thing. He didn’t go buy milk like I’d asked…he went to visit his ex-girlfriend. She’s the one who sent me the picture. I know, right? Still, he’s 6’2” of pure, raw manly goodness.
And I laced his cupcake with laxatives, so I was pretty sure he wouldn’t attempt a visit with his wicked ex Jennifer again.
4. Visible Age
Okay, so, I’ll be honest. Taylor was just a brief affair, like a few months ago (after his 18th birthday, thankyouverymuch). It was just too hard to keep it up much longer. I mean, really, the guy is so uber famous right now. Like, for example, here we are on a spelunking trip. The paparazzi somehow got word of our travels and caught up with us as we exited the cave.
And just so you know, the whole shirtless thing? It’s totally as a favor to me—you know, a little thank you for the time we’ve spent together. So, in the future, when you see him take his shirt off, feel free to drop me a line of thanks.
5. Human or other
Yeah, the rumors are true. My boyfriends haven’t all been human. I mean, come on. If you’d had a chance with Edward, you would’ve dated a vampire, too. Butsookay, that relationship didn’t last all that long because I like my guys warm and a little more pliable. And yeah, okay, less sparkly. Still, I miss him sometimes, even though he did try to drink my blood on occasion.
6. Paranormal skills
Oh man, how I loved my affair with Colin. The guy’s a total dreamboat, and the things he can do with his hands…actually, it’s sort of one of his super powers. One touch, and BAM! I’m out cold. Yeah, so pretty much that relationship didn’t go much beyond us staring at one another because every time he touched me, we ended up looking like this. Tragic, really. By the time he figured out that latex gloves prevent this little problem, I’d already moved on to David.
I think a beach setting would work well, wouldn’t you? This picture was taken the split second before I passed out from Colin’s touch. So, his supernatural talents really did come in handy sometimes. I’d been suffering from a two day insomnia spree at this point.
P.S. It was really cold on this day. I’m not really sure why Colin was so sweaty.
I’m not a huge fan of football, really, or even of sports in general, but that would never stop me from dating an athlete. I mean, seriously… I think a book boyfriend would most definitely have to be
flexible athletic with a serious degree of stamina spirit.
P.S. See that blue smurf-looking mascot? That’s totally me in there. How do you think we met?
9. Special skills
I’m pretty sure his special skill speaks for itself…considering, he didn’t even speak English. Still, I think this skill should have a name, don’t you think? I shall call it: holymotherofdrool
He was my one and only ex boyfriend who didn’t break my heart. Some boyfriends are just like that, because, well, they’re not really boyfriends. They’re just there to serve a purpose and serve it well.
Ah, there you have it, my own personal book boyfriend made up of a compilation of my past boyfriends and one very friendly foreign dude.
And now, I will tag a few other people.
Try to keep it real, darlings, or I shall begin to think that all book boyfriends are nothing but mad flights of fantasy.