Thursday, May 27, 2010

It Will Make Me Feel Better If You Pity Me a Little

So, I have a little problem.

It seems…I’m a slug—an OMG-will-she-ever-make-it-up-the-stairs kind of slug. I blame it on writing, of course. And that’s never going away. So, my slugness feels rather hopeless.

And to make me feel slightly more sluggish? These guys are my friends.

au muscles_cropped Meet Aurora. She’s super fit and beautiful and feeds me stuff like hummus and green weeds with pine nuts. Au likes to make special pizzas with green stuff on it. No, not that green stuff, you junkie. Other green stuff, which somehow tastes good and not like rabbit food when it comes out of Au’s kitchen.

I heard a rumor she’s actually 72, even though everyone thinks she’s in her mid twenties, so she must be doing something right. But if you’re looking for a green-stuff pizza recipe, you’ll have to e-mail her. Because I don’t have it. For one thing, you can’t fry it.


And here’s her husband, Scott. Scott’s mega fit with abs that put even wolfie Jacob to shame.

Go ahead. Take a moment to wipe the drool off your chin.

Scott has a fitness blog, which is pretty amazing. So if you’re looking for inspiration and motivation to get more fit, make sure you stop by his blog. I also have Scott to thank for teaching me all about motorcycles for one of my books. Yes, he took me for a ride on his motorcycle. And yes—you should probably be jealous. If he weren’t like a brother to me, I’d be jealous of me, too.


oph And here’s my beautiful gal pal, Ophelia. She’s a Beachbody coach and a Certified Turbokick Instructor (kickboxing cardio).

Ophie’s tried to get me to exchange my Coke Zero and amaretto OTR for Shakeology drinks, because apparently yummy, chocolatey vitamin shakes are better for me.

What she doesn’t know is that I keep a mini fridge just full of soda in my office. But come on, I shouldn’t have to go down the stairs every time I want a drink. That would make me too tired to write.


TurbokickNow, here’s me in Ophie’s  Turbokick class.

I know, right? Can you see me shaking? Can you see the fear in my eyes?

That class kicked my arse, by the way. And just when I thought I’d die, Ophie said, “Now time for Round Two!” And there were 3 rounds. OMeffingG. I suck.

No, I don’t see any correlation between slugness and  a mini fridge full of carbonated aspertame. Surely, there can’t be. *cough*

But prepare to feel REALLY sorry for me.

Holly Because here’s my friend Holly, a Beachbody coach preparing to participate in a Figure competition next month.






Holly's arm And here’s Holly’s awesome arm.







Carol's arm


Now here’s my arm.

Yeah. I know.

Check out my sweetie peetie friend Michele. She’s like, “Wait. I think I see it. If I squint just so.”


So yeah, I’ve come to realize I’m squishy marshmallow cream in the midst of hard cookies. AHHHHHHHH!*

Now, before you jump to conclusions, I am not paying these people to be friends with me. For some reason, they keep me around. And they don’t even try to make me do push-ups or anything. But you know what’s truly amazing about these guys? They all have jobs, children, lives. And they’re all freakishly positive and happy all the time. Pretty inspirational, really.

And Holly? She has Multiple Sclerosis. And in addition to working her arse off in preparation for this fitness competition and her Beachbody coaching, she’s published a book of poetry called Finding Me and is currently working on another. And she’s donating a portion of the profits from the sale of her book to research aimed at fighting MS. (Go check out her book. You won’t regret it.)

Now, the question is, why am I still a slug?I’m busy, sure, but so are they. So…hm. Maybe you shouldn’t feel so sorry for me, I guess. Slugness has been a choice. Like, I choose to write pretty much always over health.


I’ve decided, I’m tired of being the marshmallow. And I’m afraid my hard cookie friends will start poking me in the tummy to see if I giggle**. So here’s what I’m gonna do about it. This week, I’m taking up running (stop looking at me like that), and my daughter (who’s a runner) has committed to help me—after she said to me, “You know, Mom: running is really hard. Like on your heart and stuff. Are you sure?”

I figure this will help me feel better about myself, AND it will help me to look like this by the time SCBWI LA rolls around in July (don’t look at me like that).

carol hot bod

Can’t hurt, right? Plus,  I could adopt the pen name: Carol of Sparta. Way cool.

So, yeah. If you don’t hear from me, it’s because I’m too busy changing my slug ways. Or maybe I’m dead or something.

P.S. You can feel a little sorry for me. Because as much as it stinks to be a marshmallow, it’s even harder to try not to be.


*Sometimes, I like to use ironic metaphors.

**They are way too nice to do this. This is me in full insecurity mode. Don’t look at me like that.


  1. Can I just say I don't want you to look like that by July or anytime-just my opinion.

    Hang in there, do whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself though.

  2. You have some amazing, amazing friends. Really.

    Also, I cannot agree more that slugness is a choice, one that I've embraced perhaps too tightly.

    Good luck on running! You can do it!

  3. I'm laughing so hard I may cry. That's got to work a few muscles, right?

  4. Very funny post. But I know that deep down you know that you are only in a competition with yourself to be the best Carol you can be. So, as long as that is your goal, you are headed in the right direction!

  5. Someone sent me some rather tasteless pictures of of female body-builders recently, Carolina, and - believe me - you do not want to sprout an appendage like they all have beneath the bikini. You look fine as you are. Me? I don't so much have a body to 'die for', but 'because of'.

  6. Whoa. Your friends are amazing.

    I'm a slug too, but my friends are more sluggish than me. I usually don't feel that guilty. :P

  7. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to snort Dr. Pepper through your nose? Yeah...thanks for that.

  8. FUnny. You look great. I'm the one who is a marshmallow. I'm trying hard to fit the exercise in but its been a little challenging. Good for you on getting out there and doing it. You are great inspiration.
    Take care.

  9. I love this post, Carol! Can you imagine if you had legs like that, not to mention the arms? Men and small children would run screaming from you!
    I'm the one who is out of shape. Too much sitting on my arse all winter in front of my laptop. After spending a day in the garden digging trenches and running a rototiller I can barely drag my fat butt to bed and you should see me trying to get out of it the next morning. Now that's pathetic. Thanks so much for the poetry link. I'm checking her book out next. Poetry was my first love, before I started obsessing over a novel.

  10. *pities Carol a little*

    Feel better?


  11. I love this post! Though to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't ever want muscles *that* well defined, and I personally like your arm better.

    I'm all for being healthier, I just don't want a *hard* body...I think women should be somewhat soft and curvy.

  12. Wow, Holly has a nice, toned belly! I'm so jealous! How many sit ups does she do every day?

    Don;t worry, my arm looks like yours :)

  13. Ooh, another writer slug! I feel you, Carol. I'd be intimidated by those friends, though. ;)

    Good for you. Best to you!

    Holly's story is completely inspiring. Please tell her that, from one who saw MS in an up-close-and-personal loved one.

  14. I needed a good laugh today. Thanks, from one marshmallow to another.

  15. Carol, My sweet BEAUTIFUL friend........ dear you are an amazing person from the inside and out!! The first day I meet you, I knew you had a special spirit about you! I just knew we would be friends.... We talked about writing, publishing and creating the written word for others to enjoy, laugh and or inspire....I thought to myself.....this lady is a very special person!! I feel blessed to have meet you! Today my heart is very warm! I feel honored to have been mentioned in your blog with Ophelia, Aurora and Scott all in which have impacted my life in ways they will never truly understand... My fitness journey has taken me to a place of "remission"... Being diagnosis 8yrs ago... this is the firts yr I have been in full remission- I believe its my diet and fitness. Never forget how beautiful you are, never give up on your dreams and aspirations... I at one time, I accepted MS as "it is what it is" and this is my life now!!.... How wrong was I?.. Now I see NEVER to accept things as is.. dream and dream big, trust yourself and LIVE your life .. you are wonderful my friend

    Thank you for making my day special today!!

  16. You have some fierce friends! Wow!
    I do think you look great already, but good luck with your running!
    In college my two roomies were runners, they'd always ask me to go. I'd wave goodbye and take a nap. ;) But now I do have to exercise. I don't have the metabolism I did in college!

  17. LOL! I was laughing as I read this.
    Don't fel bad. I work out several times a week but I don't look anything like your friends.

  18. Carol, don't worry about it - you look great.
    I like the new pen name, though!

  19. LOL!!!
    Please don't become Carol of Sparta. I'd be afraid you could reach through the blogoshere with your super strength and squish us all! :)

  20. haha! awesome.
    If it makes you feel any better, i've been working out every weekday morning since january and haven't lost a single pound (though my muscles are sa-weet)

  21. Hahahahahaha.

    But then if you get all awesomely ripped... I'll be alone in skinny but flabby land! :( (Though I doubt you're flabby, you seem very fit)

  22. Can I just say you are GORGEOUS! No slugness seen in these pics of you! Your friends are amazing & what Holly stated above in her comment is inspiring & so true.

    Girl I have definitely embraced my slugness but I renamed it: LIFE-LOVING

    You see there are things I could alter about my body, myself and I do work on those things but not so much that I want to fully become someone else. You have to remember that who you are is a beautiful, warm, loving, person who has the gift of the written word in order to share with others.

    I may pity you just a bit because your friends could surely whoop my butt; although I can't fully pity you because I think you are amazing! ;o)

    You always make me smile.

    Visit My Kingdom Anytime

  23. Oh Carol, I can't even get myself to run. I walk...and even then take a break every few days because something starts to hurt. Good luck my dear...

  24. Girl, you are amazing and beautiful. Wooo- you're amazingly beautiful (see what I did there?) Also? you are so not a slug nor are you a marshmallow (seriously, if you're a marshmallow then that would make me the gianormous Stay Puft Marshmallow man from Ghost Busters - and I'm seriously in denial about that).

    However, because you roll with such a kick ass posse, I will wish you luck with the running (really? are you sure you don't want to start smaller? Like moving the soda into the next room so you have to get up to get one?) and the toning. I know you can do whatever it is you set your mind to do BUT if you start looking like "Carol of Sparta"? You're gonna freak me out a bit. Not gonna lie.

  25. I just recently started to run, too! It is hard in the beginning, but so worth it for how good I feel afterwards (disregarding the soreness that comes later, naturally-- but still, SO worth it!) Good luck. =)

  26. Whoa! If I had friends like that I think I'd be chowing down even more because I know I'd never get to that stage! But I'm sure you can - you're beautiful! Good luck with the running!

  27. Wow, you look good to me, but friends like that would put me to shame. :) I keep threatening to do something healthy. Maybe I'll be inspired to actually do it now!

  28. *here's your 'little bit' of pity* There. Now, you are flipping gorgeous!! I think overly muscular women are less attractive. You look fit AND feminine! :-)

  29. OMeffingG! Denouncing Slugness is just self-defense when you have friends who look like that. Really inspiring. Now, about the pizza with the "other green stuff"...I have friends looking for a franchise.

  30. Well, you must be my sluggy twin! I feel like a squishy, lumpy ol lady most of the time (and I'm not THAT old!) It's so bad that my kids have started to tell me that I need to exercise. So I'll try to be there with ya. Maybe not running, but I could attempt some sit-ups (or something).

  31. You take snark to a whole new level! Snarkdom? Snarkville? Snarktasia?


  32. lololol. Yeah, you and me both.

  33. Oh my goodness, what wonderful comments. You guys are the best. And I <3 all of you!!

  34. You look amazing girl! Don't even worry! Yeah I tried to run once too. *sigh* I'm working out with my Wii, she tells me when I've missed sessions too, and frankly, she can be a little rude, my wiibot. Good Luck to you ;o)

  35. Oh man, I feel your pain. If I was surrounded by that circle of greek gods/goddesses on a regular basis I'd want to jump off a cliff. I mean, look at your husband!! Jesus. 90% of the people I hang out with are cream puffs, myself included. ;(

    Still... I've never seen you in real life but you look pretty fit and trim from your photos, especially if you're eating hummus and pine nuts and green weeds (...can you put Ranch on it?). Ugh, I hate all of you. If I were standing next to you I'd look like the Michelin man.

  36. That picture of you with the muscles is SO hot. I can't wait to be ready for aerobics classes again! I LOVE them. And holy crap, your friends are insane. In a good way. I'm jealous!

    There's now way in hell I'm commenting in pig latin. Don't make fun of me, but I still don't really understand how to do it and there's no time to google.

  37. No Sparta Carol.
    Women who have manly steroid bodies are scary. You are beautiful. I don't pity you at all. AT ALL.

    And now you've made me feel like crap because I am such a bigger marshmallow than you. I would go work out but I'm too depressed, so I'm going to eat icecream to help me feel better.

  38. Hahaha, I love that last picture! Hilarious!

    You have a really fit group of friends! I think you have an adorable figure! Cute and skinny! I'd take it.

  39. Thanks for the inspiration to get back out there and start running again. I've been a slug myself over the winter and it has been so hard trying to get back into my routine.

    My across the street neighbor is a fitness trainer and my other across the street neighbor is a massage therapist so I really have no excuse for not doing something.

    Alright! I'm going back out there; right after I finish this chapter. ;)

  40. HAHAHA! you cracked me up!
    I have a tip for you, I call it bed-workout!
    I don't know where you write, but I write in my bed, it's comfy and no one bothers me. But when you need a break, do 10 sit ups before you get out of bed to go get something or when you stand up, do 10 squats, or while you are typing, flex your feet back and forth to give your calfs a workout.


  41. Ok, your friend are awesomely fit! Your "future" photo totally cracked me up!

  42. What you need are some fat, lumpy friends.

    Good luck on your running quest.

    Happy Weekend!

  43. Carolina, I have something for you on my blog! Please stop by when you can.

  44. Haha, that's hilarious! All these fit and healthy people are making me feel a little guilty! One of my New Year's resolutions was to become fit and tone up, that one is still waiting to one side!

  45. you're rather too pretty to be a marshmallow

  46. Contrast makes life (and writing) way, way more interesting.

    Eating imported chocolate while sitting all day writing page after page of wondrous prose makes me mentally fit. Chocolate has spiritual properties as well. So I am mentally and spiritually a champion.

  47. Good luck on the running! And don't get discouraged, it's hard (and painful) at first, but it gets easier. When my husband started, he could barely make it around the block. Now he runs 20 miles with his friends on Saturday mornings, just for fun. Me, I'm happy with three miles on the treadmill, as long as I have a good movie to watch. :)

  48. OK - I just gotta say - you look AMAZING in that turbokick pic! No big muscles for you! I bet running will be a great way for you to fine tune what you've already got goin' on!

  49. I don't know what you're talking about Carol, you're beautiful. But that last picture was pretty funny. LOL. I hope you have a Happy Memorial Day!!

  50. You look fine. Very natural. You have very fit friends & they work harder at it because they want to. You work harder at your writing because you want to.

    It's all good. Keep the laughs coming!

  51. You are not a slug. You are Carol of Sparta....Thunder Thighs!
    I tagged you over at my blog. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

  52. Awesome post.. pics look inspiring, I'm also trying to get fit again... but I'm too lazy for running, so I'm into walking and yoga.
    As Marsha Doble said: "I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."


  53. LOL -- Carol of Sparta, you could definitely kick my @$$! Seriously, your friends are fitness goddesses. Talk about inspiring!

    Okay, gotta run. I'm going to the gym!

  54. As long as you're strong enough to carry around your manuscripts and laptop, then you're okay.

  55. At least you're exercising. I only walk the dog and walk up and down our stairs at home. That is about the only exercise I get. You should enjoy your day. :)

  56. That last photo is disturbing! I took up running in January and ran a half marathon at the end of March. Then I had to take a break due to a back injury, but I started running again this week and I feel so much better! I'm on You should join!

  57. I would love to look like you!
    And if you are sluggish, so what. Slugs are nice creatures too.

  58. Hilarious post and you muscled up just kills it haha...


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