Friday, July 2, 2010

The S#!t Pile

Check out this nastiness on my front porch.


Ewwww, right? I came home from ALA 2010 and found THAT waiting for me. And then I looked up when I heard this cute little chirpity-chirp-chirp and saw this.


Awwww, right? There’s actually like three more that live in that nest, but my noisy clomping ways drove them off.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Can you ever just have something beautiful and sweet in life and NOT have to put up with s#!t? And why is it that we tend to notice the s#!t first? Like, say Bradley Cooper walks into a room—the first thing you notice is not how smokin he is, but the blonde booby bombshell on his arm.* Or even when a baby is born, the only one in the room who doesn’t seem to notice how scrunched up and hideous the baby is, is Mom. And even she might be a little leery. Or take love, for instance. When have you felt it and not also ended up eventually wanting to kill the object of that love? Remember that time his mother told you that maybe you should spank that child a time or two and he’d be better behaved, and Object of Love said nada??

Yeah. That’s the s#!t I’m talking about. Or let’s take it down a notch and discuss writing. It’s not a secret that you can’t publish a beauty of a manuscript without having to deal with all the s#!t involved. I mean, yeah okay, you could get lucky. Maybe your manuscript will s#!t a little less than others. Maybe you don’t have to market yourself and network and write and query for years before the BIG DEAL comes your way. If that’s the case, you’re one lucky S.O.B, and clearly your s#!t pile will be a little smaller than most. But, you know, it’s still a s#!t pile, right? Though if your s#!t pile really IS smaller than most, I’d keep it to yourself cuz nobody will like you. And no matter how many times you clean it up, as long as the beauty remains, so does the s#!t. You see, it won’t be until the birds flee for good that I’ll be done with this s#!t.

So what DOES this even MEAN? Frankly, I don’t know. I tried to come up with some fortune cookie answer, but the truth is, I really just wanted an excuse to say s#!t over and over.

But, I will say that I’m gonna beg my husband to hose down the s#!t so I can enjoy an untainted view of the birds—at least until the s#!t builds up again. I bet he’ll do it, too.

That’s love for you, people. L-O-V-E love. Makes the mother-in-law seem a little more worth it**.

*I don’t have a problem with blonde booby bombshells. I only have a problem with them when they are on Bradley Cooper’s arm. I think that’s fair.

**Sorry, Mama2. I was just trying to make a point. You just got caught up in it. It’s inevitable. Mother-in-law hatred is simply something people get. I don’t know why. Please don’t disinherit me.


And so I realized I screwed up the date for the end of the contest. Our Barry Lyga Rocks Contest will actually end on July 6. As so many Americans will be on holiday July 5, we figured it made sense. So Barry Lyga Rocks!! Day will take place on Tuesday, July 6, too. Now you have an extra day to prepare your letters to Barry and make them super extra special. If for some reason you miss my tiny note and post on Monday, I swear I won’t flog you. I love you too much and it’s my fault. We’ll still link to you on Tuesday.


  1. As long as it's a woman on Brad's arm, I'm okay.

    Also, this is totally the realest post I have ever seen.

  2. I have a problem with blonde booby bombshells as well - hee!

    Such cute little birdies! But OMG - *what* are they eating??

    There's definitely a lot of s#!t to wade through when writing, but there are also those glimmering moments when it's all worth it.

    At least that's what I keep telling myself. ;)

  3. Mmmm, Bradley Cooper.

    It's true though, there is always a shite pile. I said shite with my best British accent.

    Sounds like you have a great hubby.

  4. Merde! That's a pile. Still I love the birdie songs.

  5. I loved the fine print!!!!

    And those are adorable birdies.

  6. I agree with Stina, the fine print was the best part!

    Btw, I have an award for you at my blog.

  7. Yes, the BBB's should be on my arm not Cooper's.

  8. I so totally relate to this post. Love-hate, joy-despair, sweetness-bitterness, life-death are just two parts of the same coin. Beautiful pictures... In Greece, if a pigeon shits on you its supposed to bring you luck (but then again, they also spit on each other for luck here, too)...

    I keep trying to follow your blog but never see you as a blog I'm following. I'll try again, but don't get why it isn't happening!

  9. You have to have the shit to make the cute stuff seem cuter!

  10. Oh wow!!! Are those swifts or swallows? They're lovely!!! Unfortunately they are also very messy! But I think with all life you can't have the one without the other - the ying and the yang. Sometimes though I get to have more of one over the other and it's always the bad one! LOL!

    Of course your lovely hubby will clean that crap out for you! :-) I hope so! Enjoy your birds (they've not really left have they?).

    Take care

  11. We have a wren's nest at about the same location as yours on our porch this year, and the mother sat on two batches of eggs. No evidence of Sh#t though, which makes me wonder what is in the empty nest that still sits up there. Well written and funny as always Carol.

  12. The birds are cute! Hopefully they don't cause too much trouble though :)

  13. Ah, yes. Seems like you can't get away from s#!t no matter where you go, whether in writing or life. And this would be the part where I mention Hemingway:

    "The first draft of anything is s#!t."

    Or maybe Anne Lamott's, "Give yourself permission to write s#!tty first drafts."


    And would you look at that? I left a comment that was actually somewhat relevant! I think I should take my temperature....

  14. I think the S3it is worth it for the good stuff to come. :) Great post- made me think.

  15. We have to take the good with the bad in this life. There's no getting around it. I try to see the good more than the bad but it's hard, like you said, to focus on that.


  16. Console yourself with the knowledge that even the blonde on Brad's arm s#!ts, Carolina and if she doesn't, then she's in even deeper s#!t than the rest of us.

  17. I get it. Gotta take the bad with the good. And all those writers who seem to avoid the sh@t, I bet they walk funny!!

  18. I'm sorry, what was this about? My eyes kinda glazed over after the Bradley Cooper mention ;-)

    JK this was an awesome post C. Very thought provoking, and it's true... Nothing's ever perfect. I have a *huge* problem putting people on pedestals (alliteration anyone?) when I first meet them... So it's in part, my own fault when they don't live up to these perfect beings that I first envision them as. However, I think the best part is knowing what the sh*t is, because it makes everyone more human and more relatable. Okay, so there's my tangent for the day ;-)

    Also, DL Hammons just almost made me snort Diet Dr. Pepper with his comment about sh*t avoiders walking funny =)

  19. Can't avoid the s#!t, no matter what you do. As funny as this post was, it was actually quite thought-provoking. Now I'm off to stalk Bradley Cooper...

  20. This made me chuckle. So true.

  21. Awww!! Little birdies! You can excuse them their s#@t because they're cute.

    There is a lot of wading through s#@t to be done, but then s#@t happens. Saying s#@t is fun.

    I totally understand the mother-in-law humour. *shudders*


  22. LOL. Isn't that right though? You have to put up with a lot of ---- to get to the good stuff. Is that called the circle of life? Or something?

    Great post!

  23. LOL. I love that you censored yourself. Somehow that makes it funnier. And I think you enjoyed that a little too much.

    Now you've got me trying to think of something beautiful and lovely in life that doesn't have s#!t attached. I'll tell you when I think of something.

  24. I miss you. I hate holidays. When you are in LA, we'd better be in constant communication or I might die. #thenyoudhavethatonyourconscience

  25. I like your blog !!Thank you. They are really great .
    do not miss my goods , they are very beautiful !!
    Yves Saint Laurent
    Tory Burch
    Christian Louboutin
    Men's Shoes
    Women's Shoes
    New Arrivals

  26. Lol sometimes, "Oh Shit" just doesn't cover it! A fellow blogger told me that once, I just loved it.
    Girl what a madness in your porch. But I guess yes, in life we sometimes, actually, often, have to endure a load of crap to have everything nice and smooth. As Earl would say: "Karma."

  27. Haha... I know exactly what you mean! So, fortune cookie or not, this post was great!!

  28. love it! Also, I need to write something that will allow me to say s#!t as much as I possibly can say it... Much love!


Make your comment stand out. Use bold words. Or italics. Whatever.