Check out this nastiness on my front porch.
Ewwww, right? I came home from ALA 2010 and found THAT waiting for me. And then I looked up when I heard this cute little chirpity-chirp-chirp and saw this.
Awwww, right? There’s actually like three more that live in that nest, but my noisy clomping ways drove them off.
Anyway, it got me thinking. Can you ever just have something beautiful and sweet in life and NOT have to put up with s#!t? And why is it that we tend to notice the s#!t first? Like, say Bradley Cooper walks into a room—the first thing you notice is not how smokin he is, but the blonde booby bombshell on his arm.* Or even when a baby is born, the only one in the room who doesn’t seem to notice how scrunched up and hideous the baby is, is Mom. And even she might be a little leery. Or take love, for instance. When have you felt it and not also ended up eventually wanting to kill the object of that love? Remember that time his mother told you that maybe you should spank that child a time or two and he’d be better behaved, and Object of Love said nada??
Yeah. That’s the s#!t I’m talking about. Or let’s take it down a notch and discuss writing. It’s not a secret that you can’t publish a beauty of a manuscript without having to deal with all the s#!t involved. I mean, yeah okay, you could get lucky. Maybe your manuscript will s#!t a little less than others. Maybe you don’t have to market yourself and network and write and query for years before the BIG DEAL comes your way. If that’s the case, you’re one lucky S.O.B, and clearly your s#!t pile will be a little smaller than most. But, you know, it’s still a s#!t pile, right? Though if your s#!t pile really IS smaller than most, I’d keep it to yourself cuz nobody will like you. And no matter how many times you clean it up, as long as the beauty remains, so does the s#!t. You see, it won’t be until the birds flee for good that I’ll be done with this s#!t.
So what DOES this even MEAN? Frankly, I don’t know. I tried to come up with some fortune cookie answer, but the truth is, I really just wanted an excuse to say s#!t over and over.
But, I will say that I’m gonna beg my husband to hose down the s#!t so I can enjoy an untainted view of the birds—at least until the s#!t builds up again. I bet he’ll do it, too.
That’s love for you, people. L-O-V-E love. Makes the mother-in-law seem a little more worth it**.
*I don’t have a problem with blonde booby bombshells. I only have a problem with them when they are on Bradley Cooper’s arm. I think that’s fair.
**Sorry, Mama2. I was just trying to make a point. You just got caught up in it. It’s inevitable. Mother-in-law hatred is simply something people get. I don’t know why. Please don’t disinherit me.
And so I realized I screwed up the date for the end of the contest. Our Barry Lyga Rocks Contest will actually end on July 6. As so many Americans will be on holiday July 5, we figured it made sense. So Barry Lyga Rocks!! Day will take place on Tuesday, July 6, too. Now you have an extra day to prepare your letters to Barry and make them super extra special. If for some reason you miss my tiny note and post on Monday, I swear I won’t flog you. I love you too much and it’s my fault. We’ll still link to you on Tuesday.