Monday, February 21, 2011

In the Midst

The San Francisco Writers Conference is technically over, but Shannon Messenger and I decided to stay an extra couple nights, so I'm still gone.

But I have a few minutes at 2 AM to come visit with all of you, so I thought I'd share just a few of my thoughts from the last few days.



Miscellany of the San Francisco Writers Conference 2011


San Francisco in February  is colder than a witch's foot in brass socks. Who knew?

Shannon and I have the same toothbrush and toothpaste. Surely, this is a sign. That we need to get a second toothbrush. Or we're soul mates.

We were fortunate to meet the lovely Heather McCorkle. She laughed at my stupid jokes. We were fast friends.

I have suffered immensely without Coke Zero because some conference head chose to hold the event in a hotel without a gift shop, coffee shop, or soda machine. We only have a $5 can of soda in the mini bar, and we're not cracked in the head enough to bonfire our money. The Evian was $6.50. HEllo. But we finally found a coke machine in the basement of the hotel in a parking garage. AND it would only take quarters and for some reason also nickels. But we didn't have enough so we had to go back up and get change for our dollar bills (by this time we were ready to corner anyone with coffee on their breath). So we finally got some sodas and did a little celebration dance in the middle of the parking garage, tanked down our drinks, proclaiming how revived we felt, only to realize that my can of Diet Coke  (because they didn't actually have Coke Zero) was actually caffeine free. Go me.

Yesterday we listened in on a pitch to a major editor because we're avid eavesdroppers, only to realize that the guy wasn't pitching a book, not exactly--he was pitching a religion. The guy (who Shannon now refers to as the beret man...because he was wearing a beret) said he was starting a new religion and wanted to influence the youth of America, and in order to recruit teenagers he wanted to write a young adult book. This editor deserves major kudos for not even blinking an eye while she listened, though she just happened to be out of business cards to give him right at that moment. Strangely enough, she convinced beret man to go out and buy one of the books they had published.

Shannon sleeps with a stuffed elephant. Seriously. I have photographic evidence. Lucky for her, I forgot my memory card adapter.

Heather ate the purple cauliflower. Granted, Shannon and I egged her on to eat it. She did not like it. We figured she wouldn't. But she was a good sport. She didn't puke it up at ALL.

I learned a lot about San Francisco, like some parts of the city smell a little like skunk. But I didn't see any skunks anywhere. Weird. Shannon assures me this is normal. For San Francisco. Heather assures me it's also normal at Weezer concerts.

We ate at the same restaurant three nights in a row. Mainly because it was close. Two of those nights, I ate the rustic potato soup. The third night, we tried to find someplace else, but we got lost. Very lost. After stumbling our way up mountains, we ended up back in the same place. The coat check guy said, "I was beginning to think you wouldn't come." Actually, he didn't. But it was all over his face.

Every time Shannon walks out of the room, I fall asleep (Without-Shannon Narcolepsy) I recommend getting one of her for jet lag. Wish I could take her home with me. But I can't convince her to leave California and move to Indiana no matter how much popcorn and soybeans I offer her. She hesitated when I told her we have a trampoline. It was not enough. Apparently, trampolines are not as good as Disneyland.

I'm gonna miss you, Shannon. I'm gonna miss you Heather. I'm NOT gonna miss you, farty lady pretending not to stink up the place during our workshop.

*********


32 comments:

  1. Oh I'm so glad you met up with Heather! I told you she was a delightful peach. :)

    Beret guy is terrifying. *shudder*

    I hope your pitch session went well. (and Heather's)

    I don't know what to say about farty lady. Maybe she had too much purple cauliflower?

    I didn't know purple cauliflower existed.

    Rustic potato soup sounds yummy.

    Hugs,
    me

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  2. Sooo jealous! That you all got to hang out together, listen to what must have been the most bizarre pitch session ever and got to see Heather's face as she ate the purple cauliflower. Not so jealous of fart lady, though. I have enough fart boys in my house. Glad you had fun!

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  3. I wonder what percentage of people who pitch editors like that are crazies. I think I'd be cranky for the rest of the day.

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  4. Purple cauliflower won't hurt you. It's actually quite tasty. And purple. Let's not forget that it's purple.

    Not sure if it causes gas, though. I'll have to get back to you on that.

    Tell Shannon I said hi.

    I'm off to start a religion. It'll involve vodka somehow, I'm sure of it.

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  5. I bet if you threw in a windmill farm, Shannon would TOTALLY move to Indiana.

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  6. Wait... doesn't everybody sleep with a stuffed elephant?

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  7. Awww you and Heather and smexy Shannon!!!! The Three Degrees gone North!! WOW!!!!!!! How Thelma and Louise and Friend!! Yay!!!!!!!!! This trip was meant to be! Take care
    x

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  8. Sounds like you guys had an awesome time. So happy for you! Also, I'm beginning to think I'm the only person who wasn't at a writer's conference this last weekend...

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  9. Sounds like you had so much fun! And San Francisco's cold?? That's so crazy, especially consider here in Texas it's been in the 80's for the last week!

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  10. Best writer's conference report ever. So glad you didn't have to survive the whole time without diet Coke. I would have died. Note to self: Bring my diet Coke with Lime with me if I ever go to a writer's conference.

    I love San Francisco, love the way it smells and feels. Glad you had a great time!

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  11. I'm glad you're having such a good time! Definitely get a second toothbrush though.

    Jai

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  12. That's so cool you got to go together. I would have loved to.

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  13. I like purple cauliflower, a lot!!

    I am glad Cali's been treating you well, but come back to the Midwest. We've missed you.

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  14. Sounds like you had a blast~I've always wanted to go to San Francisco. Enjoy your week! :)

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  15. Had I known you were out here, I would have dropped in with some Coke Zero for you. You do have my email, right?

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  16. So glad you girls had fun. Hope to see pics (especially elephant evidence) soon.

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  17. You people live incredibly charmed lives. Totally jealous.

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  18. Can't decide which is worse:
    Without-Heather Narcolepsy? Cauliflower gas? Or caffeine-free Diet Coke?

    Whoever invented decaf soda should have to spend the day with farty lady and beret man.

    But you, my friend, crack. me. up.

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  19. Sounds like you have had LOTS of fun! Thanks for blogging about it. Had to laugh about farty lady, lol.

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  20. It sounds like you had a lot of fun! I love going to these kinds of things (though I haven't made it to a writer's conference yet. YET) This post made me crack up :)

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  21. Witches feet in brass socks...I know a different version. You do too, right? You cleaned it up to keep your blog PG right? Although I learned my version in Australia. Maybe they say it differently down under?:)

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  22. Ha ha! Love the play by play of your trip! It amused me greatly!!! And I love how you two managed to stay a few more days! NIcely done, ladies!

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  23. Sounds like such fun! I'd love to visit there one day ... without the farty lady and the guy creating religions willy-nilly!

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  24. !!! This sounds wonderful, so jealous! I love the way you tell it all, too :)

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  25. Hey, you, Miss GorgeousBabe... Would you allow this sinfull mortal to kissyour wonderfull, adorable feet in the Great Beyond? Think about it. Get back to me Upstairs, k? --- Nevertheless, Ta-da! Have I got the kick-ass-treat for you, sis. I give unto thee, my just liege, the permission to plagiarize whatever you desire from my 11 blogs. Just be sure to say it's YOURS! God bless you with discernment --- PS The blog 'closenmyeyes' is only what I desire in Heaven; hopefully, you-N-me will be as one if you so choose. Thank you profusely. God bless.

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  26. Oh Carol, you're such a riot! I love the part about the man pitching a religion to an editor. A book is a good way to get the word out there though.

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  27. Sounds like you had an awesome time, which is always good =) Huh, I hadn't noticed the skunk smell in San Fran. But it's been awhile since I've been there...

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  28. I didn't know you were allowed to pitch anything you wanted to editors and agents! The next time I go to a conference I'm going to pitch the artform of throwing wig and wine parties. :)

    It sounds like you guys had an awesome time. :)

    I've got a new teen term for you, Carol... Blissed out...Like my day was so good I was all blissed out.

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  29. Caffiene free Diet Coke!??! Double-U Tee Eff!!!

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  30. Wow, not quite how I remember last year's conference, but glad it was eventful nonetheless:)

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  31. Dang it. I wrote a comment and I wasn't signed into wordpress and so the comment didn't take. Bah. Anyway, to recap aforementioned comment: I'm glad you had fun! :>

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  32. Glad you had a great time! How could it be bad in SF??? Fabulous city, tres different from IN!

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