Monday, December 19, 2011

A Real Letter to Santa, and an ARC Giveaway

Second Grader:

Dear Santa,

Are you real? My friend Haylee doesn't believe you. But I believe you. If your not real please don't tell me. By the way I've been wanting a cat. The kind my mom is not alergic to. They make her look red and pretty ugly and she would be very mad with me if I asked for a cat that made her like that. Make it the not alergic kind but not the bald kind. Those are very strainge. Also maybe let it snow this year and then I would like a sled. Is it really cold there. Do you have to wear gloves all the time inside even when you go to the bathroom. That would be very hard I bet. I will leave you cookies but please eat the hole thing and not just one bit that is wastefull okay. Thank you for all the good things you do like take presents everywhere to all the children. That is so nice and I would like that all the so much. If your not real who is eating the one bite of cookie every year. I have been wondering that. Amen.

Your friend,



Dear Santa Baby,

I've been wanting a house elf. One who will cook and clean and magic me out of tricky situations. Please send the kind that also takes care of email and can change the curse word in my head into something socially acceptable before it leaves my mouth. I've been having a problem with both of these things. Also, I would like  smaller thumbs so that I don't have to text with one finger and look an idiot (you can also bring me a phone with larger numbers--that will do just as well). While you're at it, please bring me a pair of jeans that make my ass look nice and twenty-something (this is where I could've used that house elf--for the cursing, not the ass lifting, unless house elves do that, in which case, let's kill two birds).

And because you are Santa and I believe in you unlike some people I know (you really need to stop bringing them gifts, you know), I will also add that I would like you to make my book into a movie starring Jared Leto circa 1996 but with a slightly updated hairdo. I realize this will involve some tricky time-travel maneuvers and probably a super expensive hair stylist, but you are magic and I believe in you. Also, I need you to bring me some more Moroccan Oil because my hair will look like cat vomit once I run out. Also do not forget I need new blush because I dropped mine and it busted into tiny pieces that cling to the brush in clumps and this makes a mess on my cheeks that causes people to wonder if I am feverish and leprosied. I know you understand.

While you're at it, please bring me the ability to foresee what children are sick in my daughter's class so that when I have lunch at her school, I will know who to not sit by right before they vomit (would've been nice last Friday). Also, I could use a few more bottles of hand sanitizer, thanks. FYI, the Japanese Cherry Blossom scent is quite nice.

And before I go, I'm still wanting the following:

18, 00 Tablets of Children's chewable ACETAMINOPHEN

3,000 tablets of children's chewable IBUPROFEN
36, 000 tablets of Children's chewable VITAMINS
44,000 tablets of adult's MULTI-VITAMINS
16,000 tablets of ANTACIDS
5000 tablets of AMOXICILLIN

If you'd like to bring some Diflucan, maybe a bit of Levaquin and Zithromax (say, 100 or 500 units, awesome!), and also some ibuprofen because my throat hurts. I will leave you cookies, but please understand there will likely be a bite taken out of every one. This is customary in my culture.

Finally, I'd like to make a special request...please bring lovely gifts to all the customs personnel in Port Au Prince, Haiti. Make them really, really happy, k--enough joy to last for a long time? We would like to get through with our bags of drugs without having to get too close and personal. If you know what I mean.

Feel free to take the trash to the curb on your way out. You're a peach. Amen.

Yours in Dutiful Belief,

P.S. You are real, right?


So, I can't seem to figure out how to update the stats on Medical Mission to Haiti picture. Not quickly anyway. I'll work on it today. But...we've collected like a thousand dollars!! So stoked. This has gone a long way so far. Thank you to all of you who spread the word, prayed, encouraged me, wished really hard, sent me some maja ju-ju happies, and donated. I am so very grateful for all of you. And so blessed to know you. You guys are just amazing.

I will be continuing to collect until January 13 (January 15, we pack up all the meds). Just wait until you see the pictures of the packing. It'll be wild. I'll try to post those before I go.

GO HERE to see the winner of the signed copy of HERE by Denise Grover Swank. Congratulations to the winner! Thank you for entering!


Guess what? I have a copy of this ARC burning a hole in my bookshelf:

WHY WE BROKE UP by Daniel Handler

It's super cute, but also really touching, you know? And frustrating because what's done is done is done and you just can't go back. A must-read for anyone who's ever faced a teenage breakup (go on, raise your hand.) The writing is artsy and different and beautiful, much like its main character. There's artwork throughout the book which is quite relevant to the story itself. And guess what? I want to give this book away. Like today. So you can get it by Christmas. 

SO. If you'd like me to send this to you...


This giveaway is international and ends TONIGHT, December 19, midnight EST. You must be 13 years old to enter. If you win, you will need to provide an address for shipment. Under 18's must have parent/guardian permission to enter. 

Obviously, if you are an international entrant and you win, you probably won't get this by Christmas. And there are no guarantees I can actually get this to you by Christmas even in the US because we all know how fickle the Post Office is. Maybe Boxing Day. Or New Year's, if you're the winner and slow to respond. Or by your pet chihuahua's next birthday. But I will send it out tomorrow, or as soon as the winner gives me an address. Check back tomorrow to see if you've won.

As always, thank you for entering and being all around supreme. Come back tomorrow, okay? Even if you didn't win, I've got another super cool 2 ARC giveaway I'll be posting.


The winner of WHY WE BROKE UP by Daniel Handler is:

Holly L.

Congratulations, Holly! Please contact me with an address to which I can ship your book. Thanks so much, all of you who entered. I'm posting a different 2 ARC giveaway today!


  1. haha. those letters. I am laughing.

  2. I love your letter. I would like to add a "ditto" to the top paragraph. LOL I can't wait to send the book to Katie!

  3. Not entering to win, but I liked your letter. That's a lot of drugs you want. Are they for you or the Christmas Elf?

  4. Every time i see Jared Leto, i think of you.

  5. Dude, I could almost write the same Santa letter, minus the meds and the thumbs. I bought a phone that has a slide out full keyboard with nice sized keys...against my husbands wishes for me to get another iphone. I don't like the touch pad screen...i spend more time back-spacing to fix the wrong letter. True, I am an Apple product whore, but not when it comes to my phone. Thus, I have the evil windows-based phone, but the keyboard kicks ass. (oh, that elf needs to help me with the cursing too.)

    I use the Ojai oil...and my hair would be cat vomit sans it.

    Oooh, I'm all around supreme??!!? Woot!

    Love you, my, love.

    Non-grinchy holiday hugs,

  6. I LOVE those letters!! And, thanks for the update on Haiti--I can't wait to see all those pictures!

  7. the book sounds pretty cool,

    though I don't see the relevance with the cover

  8. Wow. Smaller thumbs probably would really help. As is I have to use one finger to hunt and peck.

  9. Awh, the second grader's letter is adorable! And yours is great, too. I love Japanese Cherry Blossom ^-^

  10. Santa will be pleased to read that both letters promise cookies! :-)

    Happy Christmas!! take care

  11. This book looks amazing! Thanks for the chance to win an arc!

  12. Bigger numbers on phones would be wonderful!

    And who eats the carrot? I bet the reindeer are full after a night of feasting on carrots.

  13. If anyone can make time travel happen it is Santa!

  14. I watched a marathon of My So Called Life yesterday and thought of you every time that beautiful dumb boy opened his mouth.

    True story.

    (Feel better and cheers to a puke-free 2012.)

  15. Ditto on the list of children's medication that is needed in bulk at this time of year!

  16. Those letters are great. I especially love the wishlist of meds for the people in Haiti. May they be blessed with those types of gifts.

  17. loved the letters! and they are also very true, so let's hope Santa hears you!

  18. Feel free to take the trash to the curb on your way out. You're a peach. Amen

    I can't stop laughing!!!!! :)

  19. Both of the letters made me laugh! :) Love this post.

  20. My friend and I were just talking about this book! Thanks! ;-)

  21. Love the letters! And the wishes behind them. Wouldn't it be wonderful if all the kids in the world would be able to have a safe, healthy and happy life?

  22. I love these letters! I like the part about the cat best. So funny. :]

  23. Loved the letter! Cats are definitely awesome.

  24. Haha! Great letters. I love how you began yours with "Dear Santa Baby". We all wish we could have elves like those, I think:)

    Happy holidays!


  25. Yes, I need an elf. Or a stay-at-home husband. I figure with five kids we need two of us to stay home every day. We need to figure out someone else to go to work. Maybe we can get the elf to go to work. :)


Make your comment stand out. Use bold words. Or italics. Whatever.